Jesus fucking Christ I am so sick of the shit about the Confederate Flag and all the bullshit that goes with it. I live in the South, and I will tell you right now that I have never owned a slave or would I. So how in the fuck are you going to blame me for some shit that happened WAY before I was alive and call me a racist. Well, let me fill you in on a few things for those that don't already know. EVERY issue for South Carolina succeeding from the Union WAS about Slavery in some form or fashion... its the way it is, its history, get over it. Once all the fucked up shit was done like... Jim Crow Laws, and Carpetbaggers and all that bullshit, it seems to me that Blacks were given the opportunity to do things that they had never done before.. vote, get an education and be treated like people. There have been many steps forward in the Civil Rights movements.... even for women. Here is my big issue with ALL of this though... We don't live in these times anymore.. Now don't get me wrong.. RACISM is alive and well, and DEEPLY rooted in our Government, Justice System and many other areas of our society. We try and cover them up like a dog kicks dirt over shit... We know its there, we can smell it... at times we just can't see it. Wake the fuck up people??!?!
The thing is.. each race has symbols that mean something to them as a culture.. Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr....the LGBT have the Rainbow flags and pink and orange triangles...each culture boasts symbolism to be PROUD of who they are and the struggles they have faced. White people can't? If we have symbolism, we are racist, if we are proud of our traditions, we are racists.  Instead of looking at the problems that we face as a Nation now... and issues that are current and relevant to our lives now... we are fighting over shit that happened over 800 years ago? You have GOT to be fucking kidding me. Our National test scores are some of the lowest in the world, we are self indulgent, selfish and have no regard for family or lives.  For fuck sake, when did a persons right to live and be happy have a list of amendments attached to it. OH.. you can be happy.. but you can't be Black, or Mexican, or Gay and you have to be rich and powerful. Since WHEN did being wealthy grant YOU the right to think that you are better than ANYONE else? Truthfully, if you take all those fancy clothes off and jewelry, and you had no house or bank account... standing side by side we are all the fucking same. We ALL bleed if you cut us, our feelings hurt and yes, the most important... WE ALL DIE. Jesus, imagine that. We have given money and symbols the power to dictate the divisions in our culture and betrayed the simplest ideology... that we all need one another. No? How many of you have fallen on hard times and look to your family and friends to help you? When you were eating ramen noodles and mac and cheese in college because it was all you could afford....when you didn't have enough money to have gas to go to work... did you call your friends to ask who could lend you 5 bux? Most of us didn't have ( and never will have) the luxury of being wealthy. To a certain extent, our family leads by examples and teaches us how to hate, how to lie and cheat and steal.. and how to be heartless.  Most of us don't have the innate ability to hate in our hearts, but we learn this from the environment we come from. Parents have a hard time instilling good values in kids because they are gone all the time... just to feed and support them. People want to argue about the dumbest shit and don't really even know what they are talking about. For instance.... did ya ever stop to think that raising the minimum wage would cause all the other wages to go up proportionately? Or that people could ACTUALLY contribute to society? We don't NEED a fucking hand out stimulus package that will be a one time payment to blow... we need a sustainable, ongoing economic stimulus. The rich fucks don't want that to happen because the poor people might think they have a say in things.... The poor person IS the new slave... We work for shit and should be thankful to live in the bug infested house and stay there...we should be happy to eat the sraps that others throw away because they have deemed us unworthy to sit at the table and enjoy an honest meal. We let designer brands be the standard for who we are friends with.. not the person's character. Material things and money place you in a category of haves and have nots... and if you are a have not, well you don't even deserve the air you breathe... SERIOUSLY???  Dammit people. Stop fighting about shit you CAN'T Change! Why not work together to fix what we can so people will stop starving, losing their homes... our kids will get a decent education so that the generations to come aren't a bunch of fucking idiots. TEACH your kids to think for themselves, feed their creativity. Give them a fighting chance to make a difference... If people were more concerned with issues in the NOW.....we would be so much better off.
~UMT

Letting go.


At some point in our lives we have suffered at the actions of another. These actions have left us jaded and guarded and we feel that our only recourse is to lock ourselves in a little box and throw away the key. What we fail to realize is that by locking out the bad...we also shut out the good and sentence ourselves to a life of solitude. We remain intact and whole, but suffer deeply from the loss of human interaction and care. I learned this lesson the hard way and found I had literally starved myself of the affection and attention I was so terrified of. I realized that breathing life back into myself wasn't necessarily the job of someone else. So I decided to venture past the fear and pain in the hopes of finding new meaning to life....
I learned that holding onto the past holds you in the past. It was amazing to me that I had asked myself a million questions regarding my most recent divorce. All but the most pertinent one. A question so simple, I couldn't believe that I had over looked it. "What had he done for me?" Sure, there were good times and laughs, but in the end, what did he truly give me that made me a better person. Astounded, I couldn't think of anything. All of the pain and hope that I had seemed to melt away. As did the regret and wonder of what I could have done. He was gone, and it was time to close that door completely.  Things began to change, when a day last week I was looking in my scrapbooking box, I came across a picture of us I had made to frame. I was able to smile, and keep sifting through the stickers and paper to find what I was looking for. In that moment, I realized that this one question had been the salvation I sought and what I needed to fully let go and move on. It was a tremendous feeling. By closing this door.. I felt so many others had opened, even though I might not have seen them yet. I finally felt like I had freed myself from the last remaining chain that held me bound to him.

I decided to try something new and finally gave in to my mother teaching me how to quilt. I had been intimidated for a very long time by the sewing machine. the complexity of the beautiful things she would make, and my own ability. We went on one of our Friday outings and I gave in to her and decided to try it. Graciously, my mom gave me one of her older sewing machines, bought me rulers and tools, gave me material, and has pretty much been there every step of the way. I have been in awe of the things I have made and enjoyed the additional time that this has opened with my mom.  I think she was worried that all her books and material would disappear if something happened to her.... I think my interest has changed all that now. I find so much comfort in the creations I make, the time I send and lose track of frequently. The only way I can describe the feeling I get is.. peaceful.